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New Journal...

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 04:25:30 GMT

Howdy Everyone- I'd just like to let everyone know that I'm going to be switching over to a new journal and everyone is invited. It will take me a few days to get posting in it and moving my Friend's List over there... I just need a bit of a change, and this doesn't quite fit anymore. So, here's my new name...

musing_mouse

Sun, 14 Aug 2005 08:44:40 GMT

I just read something that has my blood boiling. I don't know how to explain it without offending certain people while others are too dense to get what I'm saying. I guess I have the end of summer blues. I'm caught in a uncertain place that leaves me feeling both happy and sad. Two of my best friends will be leaving shortly back to college, which is sad because I won't see either of them as much as I would like for a long while. Its not like I'll be friendless or anything. But having them around makes life easier some days. On the other hand, I'm ready to get back to college and work less and... just be out of my house for a bit. Can't have both worlds I suppose.

Maybe I should've gone away to college so I can leave too. I'm always the last to leave and it sucks.

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 06:43:04 GMT

Hiatus time. Unexpected? Yes. I'm re-doing my journal and I have to figure out some stuff before I pull it back up. I'll check my friends list from time to time. But thats about it unless something horribly important pops up.

AHHHH! :-(

Thu, 12 May 2005 05:45:20 GMT

I love how during finals week technology seems to conspire against me. I went to print my final manuscript for non-fiction, and the printers in my building were all broken. I'm not kidding, they would not work. So I had to catch a Connector and run to the student union. Luckily, they were all working and I was able to print and drop it off before the deadline. You know, I just had to cut it close.

Then as I was walking back towards the building where my math final was, there was this girl on the other side of the street who was yelling insults at passerby's. She randomly pushed on girl and screamed, FUCK YOU. and then pointed at another and said, GET OUT OF HERE! It was odd, she actaully crossed the street towards me, so I paused and waited for her to pass. I guess I'm not the only one going crazy... though I haven't yelled at anyone yet.

My math final went as smooth as it could. There were a couple questions where I was like, ehhhh? but for the most part, I think I did alright. I'm not sure. I don't think it'll bring my grade down very far in any case. I'm just glad to be done. I just hope my final grade is ok. *worries*

Tomorrow I have my Shakespeare final. Can I just say my teacher is the devil?! There are 70 multiple choice questions, an identification section with at least 30 questions, and three essays in TWO hours. *rolls eyes* I'd like to just die now, kthnx. Nina and I just crammed information into our brains for about four hours and I'm about ready to curl up and scream.

Alright, I need sleep so I can study more tomorrow. I hate finals. So close to done.

I couldn't resist...

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 22:46:59 GMT

The results are actaully really funny...

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Blah...blah... and more blah...

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 02:18:29 GMT

"Ain't it a fine life
Carrying the banner through it all?
A mighty fine life
Carrying the banner tough and tall
Every morning
We goes where we wishes
We's as free as fishes
Sure beats washing dishes
What a fine life
Carrying the banner home-free all!"

I've been busy as of late, hence the lack of posting anything other than short blurbs. Today is my first day off in about four days. I can't tell you how nice it is to be off my feet tonight. The hardest part of my job is getting used to being on my feet for long stretches of time. Even with really comfortable shoes, its still rather tough. My first Saturday, last weekend, was seriously hell. I was counting down the minutes until I could go home and by the time I got to it, I was limping on oneside. However, aside from that, I still really enjoy my job. The costumers can be really annoying and stupid, that is retail though. My co-workers are really nice. Kathy, my manager, is the awesome. She is always taking time to make sure I'm ok, and helping me fix things that I fuck up. And I have fucked up quite a few things. I suppose they are used to that though. It was only my first weekend, and it was a sale weekend.

I picked up a shift for this Saturday, 9-6. Thats not so bad, since I'm opening and it'll be fairly quiet. I don't think we are having doorbusters this weekend, thankfully. And I don't have to close. Close is the worst because I usually have to close the registers, and I hate that. A bunch of sorting and counting. So not a lot of fun. For the most part, it should be ok. My first paycheck is going to be the BOMB! I am so excited even though 90% of it is going in the bank. I am going to get my hair done though because its looking rather fugly currently. It needs to be cut and re-dyed. So I think I deserve it. Besides, I have to look nice.

Tonight I went shopping with my mom and Erica. I bought a pair of pinstripe pants for work, a new yellow and white tank, a short sleeve blouse, and a green skirt in this pattern. I think its cute, and I think I look nice in it. Whatever. Any way, that was fairly exciting. I also passed my Shakespeare test *huge sigh of relief* and I am currently putting off reading and doing my math homework. Go me. Right, I'm off.

Edit: I think my dorm, as in the building, is haunted. Anyone who has walked the back stairwell knows what I am talking about, but tonight, its like whistling through the hallways too. Its kind of creepy. I think this bodes a story. *runs off to plot only to run into homework* drat...

Wooooot!

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 21:02:37 GMT

Today is Tuesday. It is the second day of my offical Spring Break, weekends don't count because I wouldn't be doing anything on them anyway. Besides, the U of M doesn't count them. Eitherway, it is Tuesday and tomorrow I leave for Atlanta, Ga, well, actaully Decature. That isn't spelled right. I get to visit Meg at her college, and unlike the U of M where everyone (including people who don't even go here) know where everything is, I won't know anything about her college except what she's told me. I'm excited. I've never been to Ga, so this is going to be totally awesome. And I get to see the river from Alan Jackson's song. (shuddup, I know its country... but its GOOD country) Eitherway, this is a heads up to everyone that I'll be out of the cities for a few days. I pray there will be warmer weather, cause if now, I am going to kick someone's ass for it. Sal, you know what to do if you have to. And Brynna, I should probably get the job at Blockbuster before asking to be transfered to where Swak works... *drools*.

Excuse the whiny rant...

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 03:13:06 GMT

Why is it that when it rains it pours? About two weeks ago I was loaded down a zillion papers that kept me up till all hours of the night and I swear gave me ulcers. Then there was a week were I comtemplated the coming week (this week) and brushed it off as being able to handle it. Being the Queen of Slackers, I am now stuck the night before an essay test trying to cram a bunch of pretentious essays down my throat. I swear, I am about ready to scream or light my book on fire. I'm not sure what would be more satisfying. I'm just going to run it over or something, like I did Boy George. That was certainly satisfying, but more because of what it represented. I don't know. Somehow I think someone would notice if I flug peices of book all over the park...thats just a guess though. Right, so back to the problems of the moment... this week has sucked from Sunday on. Or rather, only parts of Sunday sucked. I fell down the stairs and completely pulled my back again, yay for the drugs I have. However, I can't take them because I'd just fall asleep. I wrote a terrible peice for Non-Fiction on Monday, Tuesday I was up late doing these stupid critiques and my long ass stats homework. Now its Wednesday and I am cramming stupid essays down my throat. I'm only half way done, and its been five hours. *cries* Tomorrow I have a huge essay test, plus a quiz on The Tempest, which I have yet to read. And then, on Friday, I have a stats test and a meeting with my Non-Fiction teacher. I.AM.SO.DONE!

The good news is that spring break is drawing ever closer. I think I have a total of nine days until I am done for a good, long week. Then I am going to sleep for two days, and maybe clean up The Pit, and then I get to fly out of MN for four days. Woot.

Dear Spring Break-
Please, if it is possible, get here a lot sooner. Kthanx.
With desperation in her voice,
Me

Dear Idiots of the World--

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 16:35:04 GMT

Dear Bush,

I really wanted to thank you for all the great budgeting you've been doing this session. The students on the Perkins Loan would also like to thank you for cutting the budget for it by 6.4 million dollers. I mean, they are just middle class and not eligible for grants, but whatever. They'll survive right? And if not, maybe they'll drop enough below the poverty line that they can apply for the Pell Grant. Speaking of that, I think you did a really good job hiding your cutting of funding for the Perkins Loan behind your helpful increase of the Pell Grant by 500$ over ten years. That was such a good idea, even though experts suggest it should be increased by that much every year. But hey, I understand. You really need that money to put into the creation of MORE nuclear bombs. Oh, and its great to see that among other budget cuts, you are slowly destroying Upward Bound and Talent Search. Now, when we are all illiterate monkeys like you, we can go blow ourselves up! *insert middle finger* Fuck you asshole.

With lots of hate-
Me

Why the hell can't people be accepted for who they are? Why do groups like Neo-Nazi's and the KKK still exsist? They are full of people who can't pull their heads out of their ass long enough to see that the world is changing and their views, though wrong to begin with, are even more wrong now! And there is nothing that it seems any one can do. Last year, the KKK were allowed to march past my states capitol. It makes me sick that at this point, nothing can be legally done to stop that. We are allowing a group of people to march and show their hate towards people of a different race. THAT IS NOT FUCKING RIGHT! I've tried to be calm about all of this, but I am so sick of it. It was out of my mind for awhile, but now its back. Recently, a group of person's painted a swastika in the hall of one of the dorms, and not only that, but they hung a noose.

"In those incidents, an anti-black statement was found in a men’s restroom stall. In the other incident, a note was hung from a string of lights formed into a noose in the trash room of the building, said Steve Johnson, deputy police chief for the University Police Department." -MN Daily

What the hell is wrong with people that this think that is ok? Where do they get off thinking that they are more important that someone else because they are a different race?

Past that though, today, more hate crimes were reported. Another dorm reported finding anti-gay comments graffited to one of their walls.

This is just makes me so sad and it makes me feel ill.

Richard the III

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 22:40:53 GMT

"Now is the winter of our discontent..."

I just finished reading Richard the III for my Shakespeare class. In class thus far we've been through Romeo and Juliet, Taming of the Shrew, and now Richard the III. Two tragidies and one comedy. Though I did like Taming of the Shrew, I may like it less after writing a commentary, I have to say Richard the III was much more interesting. Maybe I just liked the fact that a huge number of people are systematiclly be-headed and killed through out the entire play. Eitherway, it caught my attention a lot easier and I was able to follow the plot (haHA!). I was worried about reading Shakespeare because it always seemed so foreign and hard to understand, and though it still confuses me at points, its gets easier the more of it I read. I just can't get over how interesting the play really was, I just wanted to keep reading it. I am a huge dork. Eitherway, next up on my plate of Shakespeare readings: Hamlet.

Friends Only

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 08:23:52 GMT

This journal has gone friends only. Anyone can view my old posts, I don't care. But if you want to read about my truely exciting life, you'll have to note me because if you're reading about mine, perhaps I'd like to read about yours.

For anyone already on my friends list, this doesn't change anything.

"Past the point of no return..."

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 07:40:45 GMT

That line has been stuck in my mind since last night, I woke up hearing it in my brain and now I am trying to erradicate it with load Phantom of the Opera music, trying to drown it out or maybe hear the rest of the words. A pumped up verison of the main song is beating heavily in my ears as we speak, and its dark all around me, annnnnnnnnd I should be sleeping, but I find my mind revolving over and over on issues of school. I don't know, I feel anxious and stressed, but I'm not sure what that is. Or rather, I know what the stress is from. Its more pressure than anything, but its there, singing loudly in my veins and mind making it hard to let my mind wind down.

For the first time, my writing, my creative writing is going to be judged at a college level, and I'm not sure I am ready for that. I started the peice thats due tomorrow, but I worry that its not going to get done to my statisfaction. I was just too distracted today, my mind wouldn't focus on the memory. The entire I wrote, it was just a fuzzy image in my mind. I think that I may be overthinking it in a massive way. But, the thing is, and I think my friends will agree, I tend to over think and get wigged out when I actaully write. I worry what everyone thinks when I should really just worry about what I think. Perhaps I am moving towards the wrong major. I thought perhaps an English Major with a focus in creative writing, but maybe I should just re-think that. What sort of useless major is that? Why not go into something useful... like... what?! I don't know what I'm good at or not, and everything is just all mixed up. People keep scoffing at my major and I just want to scream at them. Ok, I'm not fucking brillant. Get it through your fucking minds. I'm not going to be a scientist or a mathatican! My dad keeps mentioning medicien. But thats not what I want and I just... need people to realize that.

I just wish I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted biology because it interested me. But I got into CLA and my mom said that was better, because english and history was where I was always strong. So then I thought about english, and I've aimed myself in that direction. What if english isn't it either? I know I'm only a freshman, but everytime I talk to someone, they ask what I want to do. I say english. They ask, where would you like to go with that? And I'm kind of... uhhhh... I haven't the faintest idea what I want. Maybe something with DNR... maybe teaching... maybe writing?... I just wish I knew. Everyone seems really set in what they are going to do. kathleen has physics, madeleine has something science with art, erica has fishery and wildlife... and me... I'm still all... english?

I think I am trapping myself into tightly. I should be out trying to make new friends, but I always just hang out with Erica and Julia in college, which is fun, and they are awsome... but my circle of friends is really small. Its only the beginning of the semester... there is time to meet new people. I feel so... lazy... and tired.. and... I dunno, frusterated?

"Let the sunshine in...."

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 09:11:33 GMT

I've felt so restless and... unhappy (though maybe thats not the right word) these past few days. The weather isn't bad, unless you count the five to ten inches of new snow, and its been sunny. Nothing makes me feel good though. I loved the snow, going to and from class in it... was really pretty. I walked inside the bridge, and watched it as I crossed the river. Everything looked so peaceful and quiet. My body feels heavy and tried though. Every night, but seven, my eyes are sagging. I suppose that has a lot to do with a diet change and excersing again. I vaguely recall this happening when I started skiing every year. I don't know though, I've generally always liked winter... but this one just isn't happy. I think I'm longing for the past again, which is stupid because the past wasn't all that good either... If I was back at Central, I'd be in full ski mood right now. But I'm not. My mom and dad both suggested I get out on this new snow, try my skis out, but I don't want to. Its strange, not having Kathleen skiing with me, or any of my other old team mates. Its strange though, because I actaully miss the competion. I've never liked it, and now I just wish I could go back and ski at confrence again. But there is no way.

What is my problem? I was walking to class the other day, and I just felt so sad about everything. But I don't even know what everything is? I think this has something to do with being back at school. Everytime I come back, I go through this strange feeling where I just want my parents by me. I want to bury myself at home in my bed and never come out again. I just feel frusterated and sad. I'm sure I'll be fine in a few days, but I want it to be ok now. I want to feel ok again. I just, don't like all the grey in the weather lately. The heavy hanging clouds, the earlier darkness and the morning darkness and... I just want summer, with green. This is generally the time I begin to seeing colorful flowers and trees... however, since I live in Minnesota, there are still at least two months of grey ahead. I'll be lucky to see grass again before April.

"The Flesh Failures (Let the Sunshine In"
We starve-look
At one another
Short of breath
Walking proudly in our winter coats
Wearing smells from laboratories
Facing a dying nation
Of moving paper fantasy
Listening for the new told lies
With supreme visions of lonely tunes

Somewhere
Inside something there is a rush of
Greatness
Who knows what stands in front of
Our lives
I fashion my future on films in space
Silence
Tells me secretly
Everything
Everything

Manchester England England
Manchester England England
Eyes look your last
Across the Atlantic Sea
Arms take your last
embrace
And I'm a genius genius
And lips oh you the
doors of breath
I believe in God
Seal with a righteous kiss
And I believe that God believes in Claude
Seal with a righteous kiss
That's me, that's me, that's me
The rest is silence
The rest is silence
The rest is silence

Singing
Our space songs on a spider web sitar
Life is around you and in you
Answer for Timothy Leary, dearie

Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sun shine in...

Hyena me!

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 05:01:51 GMT

"And for those of you who have never seen a gay hyena, just think of Richard Simmons." -TWoP, on The Pack (Buffy the Vampire Episode)

So after being told numerous times by a few people, I finally started reading the re-caps of Buffy and I have to admit, some of those bits had me cracking up. No one in the room but me got it, and thats ok, but seriously, that line above... I was laughing so hard. I guess it helps if you've actaully seen the episodes they are talking about. As the Pack (aka Prat Pack) happens to be one of my favorites, this particullarly funny. I have to admit, the writer has some points about whats going on... I still like the episode over all though. Funny funny Giles. Its weird watching Season One and knowing whats coming and how incredibally far removed it was from the first couple seasons. I would also like to say, that as leader of the Prat Pack, Xander would have led the eating of Flutie. Alas, poor Flutie's end was violent... though I still feel worse for the pig. It knew better than to try and take on the Prat Pack and their wonderful outfits.

The math gods hate me.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 19:13:25 GMT

I must've not prayed to the right gods at some point in my life or something, because the math ones keep seeking vengence on me. Today was my first stat's class, and it was my lab, which means that I met my TA. He's a first year grad student that has never taught stats before. For the love of god, why me?! Seriously! I keep getting teachers that know about stats, but they've never taught it. It doesn't help that I can barely understand him. I'm not trying to be mean, really. But I can't. I might just be a giant dumbass, but who knows. The instructor for the course better be good, or I better learn to understand that man, or I going to go at my text book with a knife. I might do that any way, but grr... Why the hell am I taking stats again? I hated it the first time, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have a barrel of fun with it this time either. No one gets to say "I told you so" till the fat lady sings.

My CSCL teacher scares me. In a really funny way. He is so eccentric, he leaps from topic to topic and then doubles back and everyone is all O.O! He said "fuck" at least four times, while also flipping us off and insulting most everyone in the room......it was seriously awsome. I am looking forward to this class. He wasn't exactly flipping us off, he was talking about bumper stickers that insult each other. Specificlly the bumper sticker that says "when the rapture comes, this car will be driverless." and the one that says "when the rapture comes, can I have your car?" He said the second one was like a big *insert middle finger here* plus a *thumb on nose, fingers wiggling in the air, blow a raseberry" and as he does this he then says, "plainly its a big fuck you." Now, I've never seen a professor do that before. At one point, we were talking about Europe and how their Northern Europe vs. Southern is similar to our North vs. South. How most people think that as you go South, the IQ drops. Then he located someone in the class from the south, Georgia, I believe, and asked him if he'd faced this type of sterotype before. It was interesting in any event.

"And now for something completely different:"

I joined The National Body Challenge (www.nationalbodychallenge.com). Its an eight week program that helps you lose the weight you want and stay healthy. I dunno, I figure that it can't hurt me any. I just want to lose a little of my tire that's around my belly.

Also, this room is one giant fucking pit. I really ought to clean it if I wasn't feeling so lazy. And my journal colors are growing on me. Or maybe its another case of me being lazy and not wanting to try and change them again. Damn, how come I had to lose my last ones. damndamndamn.

Construction

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 06:41:04 GMT

It seems that everything in my life is under construction at the moment. I mean, my room has gone completely ass wild. No, seriously. Erica got here, we looked at the room and decided that everything needed to be re-arranged. We decided this early in the evening, but we didn't actaully do anything till about ten. Yes, I know, probably not one of our smarter ideas. But whatcha gonna do huh? It does look nice, though things are still in disarray, and its kind of hard to get onto my bed. Well, not hard, so much as I hope I never have to do it drunk. Haha, yes well. My desk now faces a wall, which is weird. My back is open to the entire room, and it makes me all nervous and twitchy. I dunno, its weird cause I wonder if people will read over my shoulder. I am paranoid, shut the heck up.

In other news, my journal is also all crazy colors. If it weren't so... bright, I'd say it was almost endearing. I may have to work on getting that all sorted out, but I am out of energy and paitence for a while. Its nice to be back in my dorm, though it still feels a little alien. I dunno, maybe this is only me being slightly weird. My back is killing me from moving everything around though, and I'm tired. Its kind of late, I should probably sleep. Tomorrow, we are going to the BAM (big ass mall) to shop and be bums, plus a Target pit stop, and still have to finish getting this room sorted out. Damn, its hectic.

Totally otherside thought, I wish it was summer. I hate the cold. I hate this...snow. Its snow-like, but not really. Its just completely nasty outside. Tomorrow its supposed to be above freezing. Yay, I'm going to think warm thoughts towards the weather. And one other word: Spike.

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 06:43:22 GMT

I'm back in my dorm. *looks around* Its awfully quiet in here. Erica hasn't moved back yet, and the entire dorm is also rather empty. All the posters fell down and the room looks a little insane asylum. Its really quiet in here. I should put music on or something, though I am rather enjoying the quiet. God, I've seriously (sirus-ly) creeped myself out in here. *locks door* Now I feel a little safer. Lets see, re-cap of the evening anyone?

Did loads of laundry, loaded everything into my car, drove to dorm, put stuff in dorm, and left. All with the help of Meg (my thanks to you) I went to dinner with my mom, Meg, and her mom. It was indian. I love indian food, and I have leftovers. Yay for leftovers. We all went back to Meg's house, and Meg and I watched...Buffy... while our parents talked downstairs. They've decided we are all going to Mexico next Christmas. Hmm. Very fun I think. Minnesota and winter, bah. Christmas and Mexico? Yay!!! Alright. I'm going to start unpacking my things.

I'm home.

Its a little lonely.

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 22:22:19 GMT

To say its been a long couple days would not being to describe things. Lets start with Monday, or rather, that is where this story begins. Brynna calls me and asks me to help her drive to Iowa to help bring this woman who is stranded down there, back her to Minnesota. I don't mind helping out, and I'm usually ok with driving. I agree. Tuesday rolls around and Brynna says that we don't need to go. This is also fine, I don't mind not going. I was basiclly indifferent to the entire experience. On Wednesday, I got a pedicure with Meg. It was interesting, I've never had one before. Only problem is that I was up at quarter to eight. Blah. I find out that we do have to go to Iowa, that day. We leave at three and arrive in Clinton, Iowa at nine. Its a six hour drive, and we've each taken a three hour drive shift. The woman shows up, and we head back. Brynna drives from nine to twelve. I dozed for maybe twenty-thirty minutes tops. Too much caffine in my system. I ended up driving the twelve to three thirty shift. By the end, I was so tired I could barely think of the alphabet (I was playing the alphabet game to entertain myself). In total, I was awake for about 20 hours... 12 of which were spent riding or driving in a car. To say that it was exhausting doesn't even really cover it. I'm still sleepy and I slept almost eight hours today.

Things I've decided about Iowa:
1. It'd be a good place for a horror film
2. It's fucking empty
3. There are like, no billboards
4. Damn, it's creepy
5. Has stupid town names... like Manly Forest, Altoona
6. I hate Iowa
7. No, really, I hate Iowa

If I don't ever go back, it'll be too soon. Brynna's car goes fast. :)

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 23:22:20 GMT

Ok, so I've been listening to "1952 Vincent Black Lightning" a lot lately. I dunno, the song is just so... it gets in your head and the story is so sad. However, there was this one word I couldn't catch. Turns out the word is "Ariels". Now, I have no idea what this is... the line goes:

"I see angels on Ariels in leather and chrome,
Swooping down from heaven to carry me home"

I'm just a dumbass, and I'm curious was that the word means, or what it is. I thought perhaps it was a motorcycle... but when I looked it up, I came up with some kind of random sites, like a plane sight, photography, and something that defined it as a sprite in The Tempest. I don't really know a lot about motorcycles, so perhaps its just one that I've never heard of. My dad would know one way or another on that, he loves motorcycles, almost as much as he loves his accordian. Thats right, my dad is accordian playing motorcyclist. Kind of an odd combo, but my dad goes beyond odd. Right, back to the topic at hand. So, if anyone knows what the hell that means, feel free to share the wealth.

In other news, I'm going clothes shopping tonight. I'm excited because I could use new clothes, and generally I like shopping and I am in the mood right now. Sometimes I'm not, and usually, shopping for pants makes me go all cranky and spaz. I just hope I can find some clothes that fit and don't make me look like a complete freak and I hope hope hope my mom lets me buy a new pair of boots. I need some brown shoes, I don't really have any brown ones but I have pants that would benifit from somehting other than black and now I just sound superficial, I should be quiet now. Blah.

Last night went on really long tour of the twin cities. I saw some interesting parts that I've never been to before, and River Rd does end. I was surprised by that. Its kind of a cool drive, through this rune-ish type area in the middle of the city... and yeah. And I still like Downtown. Its pretty and... I saw like a ton of cop cars yesterday. Made me all nervous even though I was doing nothing wrong, and blah. Its like, just their presence made me want to run a red light. Heehee. I am such a loser. No worries, I didn't run any... and shut up meg, those were all YELLOW! Though I did go through a lot of those. My wiper fluid hose came apart again and I had to dump snow on my wildshield and my car is sooooooooo ghetto. But I <3 Moby Jane.

When I got home and finally got to bed I had unsettling dreams all night. I think my subconscience is all rather fucked up. This one was a lot clearer than the last one. I know why I had this one though. The other was just rather... O__O; This one was connected to this race, The Vasa... which I signed up for...and now I don't want to race. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

So, I am standing at the start line next to Ritva (an old team mate). Neither of us have our ski boots on, and we are both trying to keep warm. They blow the whistle to start, and I can't get my boots on... Ritva is already gone and my boots are all loose. I eventaully get them on, but then my skies won't attatch. People are screaming at me, Kathleen is yelling and I'm freaking out. All these skiers are whizzing past and I can barely get out of the gate. I finally get out of the gate, and I'm all by myself in the woods. They are dark and generally creepy. I come across this kid who looks a lot like Brady (from the Tribe) wandering all alone in her skis. I pick her up and take her with me. Suddenly, we are running for our lives from these three scary guys. At one point, we are nose to nose with these big pitt bulls. I don't know how, but we find this house, and I get out of my skis and start running with her and through the house. On the other side, there are more skis. I put her on these and we keep going. But she's slow, so I carry her. I guess we finish the race finally and arrive at the finish line. Its completely dark, and the spot lights are all turned off and no one is there. Then I woke up.

"Somewhere out in america, it’s raining
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
I remember me
And all the little things that make up a memory" - Have You Seen Me Lately? 'Counting Crows"

Stabbed to death with a plastic knife...

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 07:02:29 GMT

Today has been one giant roller coaster, and its a ride I've no wish to repeat... I mean, aside from the ups... but the downs have been violent and very upseting, my friends can attest to that. I'm not going into it though, its whiny, long and a family matter. And to be honest, I just don't want to think about it any longer. In the long and short of it, today sucked on a lot levels and this break has been good in a lot of ways.... but eye opening in others... Gah. I am dancing too closely to the edge of the sad matter again, I shall go a different direction.

I am stealing Meg's internet. Haha! She is being a wonderful being and allowing me to use it because during the weekend I have pretty limited access. I mean, its limited any way... but more so today. I did find out some really good stuff today from my friend Tom. He came out to his mother. I'm happy for him, because he's wanted to for so long and he did and she was ok with it, actaully, she told him she already knew... but yeah. I'm just happy for him. Tom is awsome for those of you who don't know him, and I expect to see him on the runway some day soon.

On another note, I cleaned the kitchen last night. I scrubbed and did the dishes near half a dozen times. I get into these moods some times, I think I may need to like... go on a cleaning spree of my room tomorrow. Its bothering me how gross and cluttered it is. I think its just a way for me to get out my... agitation about life lately.

I'm doing ok in general. Been having a rough couple days... what with panic attacks and family matters, but I'm feeling a little better... I dunno, I feeling pretty alright... but I've had a couple hours of just feeling really bad... I don't know.

I need internet. I feel like such a mooch. Seriously. (sirus-ly).

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 20:28:43 GMT

I was supposed to go on my trip today. I woke up, got ready to go, and completely panicked. I started shaking and so on and so forth. The details aren't particularly good. The long and short of it is, I didn't go and I feel bad about it. Or something. I dunno. I tried to find them and tell them that I wasn't going, but I couldn't find them. It was strange, they were no where. I felt bad, but I couldn't find them. I guess I couldn't have gone if I wanted to. Strange.

You know what they say, you are your own worst enemy and critic...and that you should keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Who could be closer than myself? :(

I'll be around.

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 18:20:34 GMT

I'm going out of town. Again. For eight days. Bleh. No seriously (Sirus-ly), I don't want to go. This isn't odd for me though, I usually don't like going places where I don't know people. Let me explain, Kathleen wanted me to start skiing in Jr. High. I signed up for the team, and was all set to go. But that morning, I decide I wasn't going to. A lot of it has to do with the fact I don't like going places I feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable in groups of people I don't know. This ski trip is going to be hell. I would like to be shot now. No, I'll be ok, I know this. I'm just not very excited about it. Its just that I'm not very outgoing... or maybe I am in certain ways, but usually only when surrounded by my friends. Or something. I don't know. Either way, I'll be out of contact until the 15th... or probably the 16th. Bah!

What else? I have the urge to make more backgrounds, but I am reisting. Even though Photoshop is right there. I just want to make a couple more. I have a really good idea for one. No more of that stupid Yuki though. Damn Rat. Haha, if only I knew how to say that in Japanese. Heehee. Alright, I saw Return of the King extended version last night. It was good, a lot better with added scenes. Still could have down without Aragron singing. Still love Pippens song. Still uncertain about the ending and my feeling on it. Thats all I have to say.

Er....

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 21:08:28 GMT

Ok, I am totally obesessed with Fruits Basket and making backgrounds. I am a total dork and you can all go ahead and point and laugh now, aside from you Genro, you are NOT allowed seeing as this is all your fault. I've had a pretty good couple days. I got to see all of Fruits Basket and I am now in withdrawl. I saw A Series of Unfourtunate Events last night with Meg and we had tea, very nice, and then I got to watch more Fruits Basket. I'd already seen them, but that is so not the point. I also made a Kyo background which I am so incrediably proud... you have no idea.

Today I got up early (by early I mean before nine) and came into work in order to make a very good friend of mine (who has friuts basket and is so nice for sharing and *bows down*) a few backgrounds. And by a few, I mean six. Sigh. Six. I really want to make more, *looks at photoshop*, I must resist. Eitherway, I made four Yuki and two Hatsuharu. I am particularly fond of my Hatsuharu. The cow spots and everything. Shut up, I am so not weird. Piffle!!!

Also, I went to a Mary Kay party. Ok, it was... bizarre. First of all, I knew no one past my cousin... and so that was strange. There were all these weird products and may I say some people have too much time on their hands. I did buy a lip gloss (stfu) and a foundation. I resisted, I really did. So.much.eyeshadow. *resists some more*

Now, I am going to go make some more backgrounds because I am a total loser.

I'd also like to saw my icon is very...useful for today....

Home again, Home again...

Sun, 02 Jan 2005 19:39:10 GMT

I'm home from my ski trip. Actaully, I was home the other day, but only now had a chance to track down the internet. Checked my email and found out that the trip I thought was way later is really way earlier. I don't want to go. I am tired of being social and nice. I just want to crawl into a hole and be alone for awhile. Alas, no, I have eight days with the U of M ski team. I think I very well might die. So, for those of you that care, I will be gone from the 7th-15th. God. I am so sorry for that. Its a really long ski trip, and we'll we be riding in scary massive passenger vans. *cries* Damn damn damn. I don't want to go. Maybe I'll come down with the flu or something equally as gross. I can only hope.

Sal- I'm sorry. I didn't realize my next trip was so close to the last. Sorry sorry sorry sorrrrrry.

Happy (belated) New Year!!!

I'll be back in my dorm on the 17th. *happy dance*

<3 to all.

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 05:32:18 GMT

Woohoo for internet stealage!!!!! :) Ok, not really. Madeleine has wireless in her house, and they were nice enough to allow me to sign into their internet. Its really awsome, because now I have internet and I can work on it for long periods of time and Madeleine doesn't care. Its really awsome. I got to check all my sites, post in certain journals that needed posting and I looked at some clothes for something else. It was all and all very productive. However, hardly anyone was on... and that made me kind of sad. Sigh. I may be on tomorrow, but I doubt it because I leave on the 28th and won't be back for a few days. Eitherway, I got a lot done.

Today was another day of christmas parties. *SIGH*. I mean, I liked celebrating with my family... but enough is enough after four days straight of celebrating with one group of people. I'm all done now though. And that is really happy. Not that I am ungrateful or anything, just really really really tired... it can go be New Years now... it really can be. Yes yes....

I really have nothing to say today. I love the Sims2 and I am way obsessed. Bad Mouse, Bad!!! I stayed up really late the other night playing. Bad bad bad... oh well. What is vacation for anyhow? *yawn* Still kind of sleepy... maybe I should go home. *clings to internet, LJ, and AIM* heehee *leaves lots of little notes for people to find on AIM* heeeeeee

Need to update accounts... only three icons is killllllling me

I'm really bored. I have nothing to post. *looks around for entertainment and wonders off....